An Open Letter to Muffins

Dear Muffins,

First of all, I want to take this opportunity to thank you for being such a loyal breakfast food to me over the years.  You are, in essence, the perfect combination of delicious-breakfast-meets-healthy-cupcake and I am forever grateful for that. Your cake-like, moist-yet-crumbly, light and fluffy texture always leaves me wanting more.  Sometimes I like to eat you with butter or jam, sometimes I prefer you plain, slightly warm and fresh out of the oven.  Whether you are mini or ginormous in size, I just can’t seem to shove you in my mouth fast enough.  Your abundance of variety always keeps me coming back for more.

I have some exciting news for you, muffin, on the front of muffin innovation.  A new concept called Uno Dué Go has created some new and delicious variations on your sweet, delicious self.  Basically, they have taken inspiration from the UNO Chicago Grill lounge cocktails that we all know and love so much.  Yes, that is right, they have created muffins inspired by alcoholic beverages.  They are so scrumdiddlyumptious, I instantly become intoxicated off their dazzling flavors, yet don’t have a drop of alcohol in them!  There are three flavors of muffins that lend their inspiration from these delicious, classic cocktails.  There is the Cranberry Pomegranate ‘Margarita’ Muffin, chock full of dried cranberries, lime zest, cranberry-pomegranate juice, sanding sugar and lemon syrup.  Sombreros are not included.  Next we have the Ghirardelli Chocolate Mint ‘Martini’ Muffin.  This decadent delight is loaded with semi sweet chocolate chips, infused with the flavor of peppermint schnapps and topped with a delicious chocolate ganache.  Our final cocktail muffin is the Lemon Drop ‘Martini’ Muffin.  This muffin is light with a fresh lemon flavor (lemon juice & zest) just like the popular martini and is topped with a mouth-puckering sour lemon glaze that will leave you licking the top of the muffin before you even sink your teeth in.

Of course I didn’t forget about your beloved traditional flavors.  The loaded blueberry muffin is a throwback to the original Jordan marsh muffin that used to reside across the street from the Uno Dué Go location in Downtown Crossing, Boston.  The Power Muffin is a monstrous creation, crafted with the desire to be delicious and nutritious and is chock full of bran flakes, goji mix, carrots, apple juice, molasses, raisins, dried cranberries and a tasty granola garnish.  Finally, the corn muffin is a superb quality version of the traditional sweet corn muffin that has been around since the days of yesteryear.

My dearest muffin, are you excited yet about all this muffin madness?  Like Elaine from Seinfeld, Uno Dué Go is striving to have the perfect muffin top.  Our muffin tops will make the masses exclaim “Top of the muffin TO YOU!” (although we promise our “stumps” are equally as delicious).   After all, “the muffin top is where the muffin breaks free from the pan and does its own thing.”

At the end of the day, my dearest muffin, you have kept me going through countless early mornings over the years.  You are the Rhoda to my Mary, the Ying to my Yang, my true breakfast hero.  I want to thank you for your many years of service and I truly look forward to eating your deliciousness for many years to come.

Your biggest fan,

Mary Muffins